MLCxH - I haven't read back through your whole thread, so apologies if I repeat something that has already been said or if I misunderstand your sitch.
On living apart/living together. Living in a toxic environment is living in a toxic environment. Even if you are playing happy families in front of the kids, even if you smile and are cordial to one another, that resentment is still simmering under the surface. Every time they are late home, every time their phone beeps, every time they say they are going out, YOU will be wondering who they are with, what they are doing. It takes up so much head space that you just can't think straight. And that's just you. To them, everything you do will be wrong because that is where their head is at. Perception bias. You buy them flowers, you are manipulating them, you don't buy them flowers, you are an insensitive [censored] who never does anything nice.
People think if they stay living together the WAW will see their 180's and want to come back. Right now, your 180's don't mean [censored] to her. To her, you are trying to manipulate her into coming back and manipulation = pressure. Your 180's are for you. They will start to notice them a) once they too are able to look at the marriage objectively and b) they see the 180's consistently being applied over a long period of time.
Also, 2 days of going dark is nothing. Like 180's it has to be applied over a long period of time before they stop thinking it's manipulation and realize you are serious. Personally, I am not a fan of going dark. It feels wrong to me. Rude somehow and would probably only ever apply it if my H spouted hatred and vitriol at me.
