Another, I am not dragging my W to MC. She is the one asking for it. That is what makes this difficult. She seems to like going. But, I do agree with you that I don't think it is helping, and I am doubtful that it is going to help.
Yeah sometimes the WAS is the one that wants to go to MC but it's not to work on the M. It's to facilitate separation and divorce, and to check it off their list of "how I tried everything to save the M but it just proved it was already over".
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I completely agree with you, but at the same time, I am scared that if I tell her that we should stop, she will use that as a reason to fast forward a D decision. I DO NOT WANT THAT!!!!
I hear you. You're painted into a corner though because she is just as likely to use the MC as a reason to push for D. This is the way it usually goes-
MC- I'll give you some exercises to work on the M blah blah etc.
WAS- I've tried everything though. The love is gone, I just don't love him anymore because A, B C and D as well as a thousand other things but you get the point, he's a lost cause.
MC- I see, well perhaps the two of you should consider separation.
WAS- OMG!!!!! That's a fantastic idea!!! WOW I knew I liked you! How can we make this happen as soon as possible?
This is what happened to me and many others here. The WAS uses the counselor as the "bad guy" to initiate S and/ or D. It becomes "well the MC said we should" as if it's ALL the counselor's idea and not what the WAS wanted.
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There has been no mention of divorce, just talking around the edges of the topic. She has never said, I want a divorce.
Right, because she's waiting for you or the MC to float the idea. Whenever someone does she will latch onto it like it's the greatest idea ever. And the real beauty for her is it's not her fault because she didn't suggest it, she's just going along with someone else's suggestion.
