So so new to this :(

[Nyla79]

Thank you peacetoday. I didn't even think of them as being manipulative, but now that you said it, of course that's what it is.

My D14 send me and H groupmessages once in a while. I think she's desperately trying to show her daddy that we were happy, she usually attaches videos or pictures in these messages. It just breaks my heart. And typical reply from H is: "It's late, silly" She's going thru a heartbreak caused by him and he just ignores her feelings and calls her silly!!! He is a monster.


Up until now, I have been determined to save our marriage. I will stand and wait, no matter what, but in the past weeks, since I found out that the OW is moving in with him, I’ve found myself doubting if this is what I really want. And like I said, I think I’m in the anger state of my grief now. I get angry with my H. Not so that he knows about it, but inside my mind. And yesterday when he sent me a text saying that he can’t pick up the kids today (they were supposed to have dinner with him) because he had such a bad stomach flu / food poisoning, I found myself hoping that he was hurting a lot and would get so dehydrated that he would need to go to the hospital.

I am not this kind of a person, and it shocks me to think like that. It’s just that even though he is civil and nice to me all the time now (Which I still wonder about) he’s still so cold. I made the mistake of reading our old messages from the time before BD, and I still couldn’t believe how wonderfully he wrote to me, just 2 weeks prior. About how he loved me so much and wherever he goes he carries a piece of me with him and could not imagine a life without me.

I wish I could just turn a switch and be done with this. Even though it has only been about 3 months since he moved away, thinking about him moving back in feels weird. I think I have done pretty well with detaching, specially after the news about the OW moving, can one detach too much? I almost feel like I have no interest in DB’ing anymore.