Tonight is our anniversary. Lots of strange emotions today.
Good counseling sessions today too. Really keep track of my emotions and learning how to recognize my negative patterns.
Hope everyone is doing well.
I can relate to the milestones. I was doing well until I hit the first big milestone on Sunday. I've been in a funk ever since. I did get messages from three cute women on bumble today though, so that's helped the ego. Hang in there, ovrrnbw.
It's good to hear that you are working with an IC.
Anniversaries and the like can be hard. That's totally normal. Feel it, acknowledge it, and let it go.
Stay strong, and let us know what happens with the Bumble girls!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
To be clear, the wife and I are working on things. We celebrated the anniversary together. We go on dates, discuss the R openly, hang out with family. We are communicating better, which is awkward feeling for me at times. Our families have aired things out and everyone seems to be supportive. I've made mention of my expectations for the relationship and monogamy. W agrees. She has tried to be open, but I'm not going to play detective and ask for every password and check up on that. If I feel like she's full of it, I'll tell her "prove it" but there hasn't been anything. She's not secretive on the phone, she posts pictures of us. She even talks of the future.
The W and I are getting along ok and doing well and we are both learning how to interact differently. It's a bit strange not fighting and squabbling over little things. I'm working hard to undo the dynamic I created and heal from the affair and relationship state that I co-created. Just acknowledging my part in the downfall is hard.
So Davide, no Bumble dates for me. But I see the D is final for you, so I hope you can and have begun moving forward.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I apologize if you mention this already in your threads, but after you and your W decided to reconcile (I am assuming that from your post above), how did your actions change from the DBing you were doing up to that time?
I am still DB'ing really. To me that means love yourself, be yourself, and give the same to others. How that looks for me is to listen and validate other people, try to really understand them, not belittling my W and accepting that her reality is different from mine, and to recognize my emotions and work on me. It's been hard to open up to her and move into a different realm where I am being vulnerable.
DB has sparked a lot of positive change for me. Cadet or Job had a post that has stuck with me for a long time that read "People don't change until the pain of changing is greater than the pain of staying the same". I believe it was in reference to a MLC person but that was me. I was a real PITA and not easy to get along with. It took this big life event to open my eyes. The pain has started to subside, the anger is still there, but now I watch my thoughts and am retraining my mind. That's DB.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
