Yeah - none of it is healthy, really. None of it is stuff to base a marriage on. I think getting it out there where I can see it is only the first step. Will carry on this work with IC. Also the work on making plans for my future. I am sorting out Youngest's party today. Hiring bouncy castle, etc. I will let H know what I have decided and what time it is (the children's party) but that's all. He texted me a link today to an expensive present and asked me what I thought. I said 'I think Youngest would like that,' and just left it at that. I have no idea whether he is telling me about something he plans to buy, or whether he is asking me to buy it, or whether he wants to go halves on it. I will assume he's buying it himself unless he tells me otherwise.
Plans for the future. I definitely need to work on this. I'm in a quiet period at work right now and will be for some time. I will be doing main childcare over the long summer holidays, which is usual and fine and expected. September things will gear up for me again, and be very hectic between October and December. I've been at home a lot concentrating on domestic things, that's true - but there is work I could and should be doing and I'm not. My head feels like cotton wool most days and some days it's only having the dog that means I don't go back to bed after the school run. I don't think I am depressed - I am sleeping and eating okay - but there's a constant sadness that is a heaviness on my body and an internal chattering and preoccupation with my situation that I find very hard to shift. I could make some plans for the summer.
