Gosh 97 - that's a change. I think if you're okay, and not harbouring resentment or building expectations, then you're taking care of yourself well enough. Your love for your husband - even in his fragility - is shining through. It sounded like he treated you well last night, and you were able to enjoy the bond and friendship that still exists between you for a little while. I've had similar moments with H and I know how totally impossible they are to close the door on.
Perhaps it's also a lesson to me in bad expectations. I expect a lot of #$%^ from my husband, and sometimes I get it, and sometimes I wonder if it's my expectation of how he will react that helps to bring it on (he's responsible for his behaviour, of course). I remember explaining to Dilly about how the situation with H and Eldest gets heated, with both H and me both pre-over-reacting - and at the time she found it pretty funny (me too) but I managed not to do that the week I was away, and it turned out they were fine with each other and, fingers crossed, it seems it's been a real thawing in their relations. I didn't expect that, I expected much worse.
So hard though. I think a lot to do with having expectations is about control. If I expect the worst, I can protect myself from it. If I expect the best, I can do something to make it happen. Perhaps expectations die away as detachment builds. From how you describe your night with H, it sounds like you hit that sweet spot of being able to enjoy what was there with no expectations, and keep your detachment from whatever emotional mess he's in himself right now. I envy that. Do you give workshops?
