Your undying love is a triumph. It is the definition of love. It almost doesn't matter what she did with it, that only makes it more beautiful.
You did not waste any time. Quite the opposite. You gave your heart to someone for life. And if you are a man who is capable of giving that kind of love, I am sorry to say that it is impossible to stop giving it just because she stopped taking it, stomped on it, went crazy and stopped seeing the reality of it, etc.
If she never wakes up and/or if you do ever decide to love someone new, the years you spent staying true to the love you gave will only make you a more wonderful catch.
As a woman, when I read that you are still suffering, I think more of you. Sometimes I read on these boards about guys moving on quickly and it breaks my heart, as if they are moving on from ME. It throws my whole vision of love into doubt. What you say restores what I believe of love.
It would all be easier for you to see it as a beautiful thing if you had faith! It's what you DO with your love and how you give it that gives your life meaning, not what you get from it.
But take it from one long-suffering love-giver to another -- I get it. It hurts like h%ll and mostly it seems like it would be so much better to just harden the heart forever and not feel those feelings anymore.
Radio, huh? I do V/O myself. Get the heck back out there and start talking into a microphone. Do it in another town where no one knows you, or start auditioning on voices.com. Just to do it, even if you don't get work. Getting back into V/O after BD has given me so much fun in my life, so much energy and a channel for those feelings. It restored my confidence and let me be really social. If nothing else, volunteer for Librivox. USE YOUR GIFTS, they were given to you and they will give back to you.
(((TAD)))))
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
