Yes, apparently it's a thing. Now, I'm far from a prude, and I am definitely not one to judge what consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors, but I probably wouldn't lead with telling someone that's what I want to do on a first date, or any date in fact. Either the standards for what is acceptable to say on a first date has changed A LOT or I am a straight up weirdo magnet.
Date 4 - the poetic one, who is actually a photographer, was sort of my type, in that the conversation was varied, challenging and a little philosophical. He had lots of Sanskrit tatts with things like "let each of my actions benefit the greatest number of people" and "run wild, be free". I can't actually remember if that's what they said, but they were a long those kind of yoga meditationish lines. He talked about the importance of being true to yourself, eating well, living honestly and seeing the world. We decided to continue the conversation back at his, which was identical to the house I flat shared in when I was in my 20's (no, he is mid 30's) and I remembered I am not in my 20's and shouldn't be with a man who still lives and talks like a university student. So, drank some wine, made out a little then made my excuses, and headed home.
I completely get where you're coming from Alison. It is hard to know if the desire to be with someone is because you're insecure and lonely, or because you actually like being with them. I think the time alone has served me well. I know what I want and what I want is for it to feel real. Four dates now, and I can honestly say that the only one that even remotely felt real was the first one. The rest, I could take or leave. Yes, the validation is nice, but honestly, I don't think I need it. Yes, the sex is nice, but i've gone so long without it, that I know I don't need it.
The time spent alone taught me that my H was wrong - I am worth a hell of a lot more than he made me think I was worth. Yes, I failed our M in so many ways, but so did he. And I wasn't the one that bailed.
I read this today "She was not waiting for a knight, she was looking for a sword" (credit to Atticus).
