What you describe does not sound like DB'ing. It sounds like cake eating.
She fired you as her H.
There is a difference between standing for your R, and letting your XW get her way by staying in the house and "playing family.". You are still chasing, you are justifying yourself that it is okay because it helps financially. Unless you accept and understand that you are making decisions driven by your desire to reconnect, you are not DB'ing.
Originally Posted by MLCxH
If in the future I decide I dont want to stand I can ask her to move.
How does asking her to move mean you are not standing? One could argue by letting her live in the house you are not standing. You are not letting her go.
Listen, I make these mistakes all the time, I'm not trying to judge you. This stuff is awful. You are focusing on reconnection as a goal. THAT is the problem. Think about YOU. Maybe your W had complaints about you, and you can work on changing those things, but those also should not be your sole focus.
I'm concerned you are falling into the emotional codependency trap of looking to your W to feel better about yourself. I'm fighting that fight myself.
