Yes, I am afraid of it. He's been violent that one single time, and never before or afterwards. He's not a shouter. He's more of a withdrawer / sulker. I think my fear is partly to do with how desperate I was for his approval - which is my issue to sort out in IC - and about how miserable the house was when he was in a mood - how snappy and unpleasant he can be when he's not feeling important enough. I do need to work more on that. I am extremely assertive at work, and I can be assertive with him, then live in horrific anxiety afterwards and end up placacting him in order to make sure I still have his approval. It's really messed up and there's a whole heap about that I can change. I lived with an extremely angry, violent, unpredictable and abusive father who was 100% a narcissist. I think I've carried a lot of that into this relationship and there's still work to do on building my sense of self and confidence. Deep down, I don't think the marriage can take me being assertive and having boundaries. But then I guess it isn't a marriage at all.
