It’s so strange. It’s like his mood has dropped and yet mine is nothing but upbeat around him. We only see him in the evenings to say night to the kids, but he looked almost close to tears last night. I didn’t ask a thing, didn’t change my mood and simply thought “he will tell me if he wants to” and I can practice more listen/validate stuff. I did of course care what was wrong, it just doesn’t feel my place to ask anymore. Steve said “together and working on it” (our label) is a lie, and nothing hit me harder than the realisation that it was exactly what I needed to hear. I feel almost stupid for spending years trying to earn respect (badly of course) and value and love by bending over backwards to be as perfect as possible...(which he will say he never asked me to do, I put that pressure on myself). I wish I had done this sooner...I’ve made some awful mistakes in life. Thank you for letting me know this is normal though, I thought I maybe was doing something terribly wrong. Oddly enough, as counter intuitive as it is for me...this process, when I’m being strong, has me much less stressed when I’m not worrying about what H thinks or is doing. I’m so busy this week GAL that it’s dropping out my mind for even a few hours at a time now, it was minute by minute before. I’m sure il go back and forth with that. I’ve just never realised how truly one sided this R save attempt is/was.
