For the first four months after the BD, I did a great job in losing weight and exercising. Then, I started to gain my appetite back. I have lost 50 pounds so far, but I need to lose 40 more. I need to get serious about getting back on track. I know that this goes against the DB philosophy, but I need to do this to re-attract my wife. On the other hand, it is a pretty good GAL activity. I know I shouldn't be doing this for her, and in part I am just doing it for myself. But I know in my heart that she is my motivation. But I am focused on making myself the motivation. I need to love me. I need to find me again. I need to care about me.
I have been listening to and reading a lot of marriage help books. Boy, do I regret not reading these before the BD. Now, I just cry over what I should have done. I do not believe that I am the main cause of this breakdown in the MR. I strongly believe that it is her, but that doesn't stop the regret. I couldn't make the most important person in my life happy. I pray that won't haunt me the rest of my life. I know I am unhealthily dependent on her love. I don't know why. I will keep working with my therapist to end this dependency. I will love myself again.
I hate sharing with this forum how bad I am at the DBing. But I will be honest with everyone. I will not lie. I know that my terrible DBing frustrates many of you, and I feel like I am letting myself down and you down. But I will be honest. AND I WILL KEEP WORKING TO IMPROVE MYSELF. And for that, I am thankful to everyone on this forum.
