I get it. H has been coming to the house to see the children. He comes after work, has his tea (which I cook) then sits and either spends some time with the kids, or does a little housework with me - cleaning up after tea - or messes about on his computer - for a couple of hours. We fell into a pattern of him doing this two or three nights a week. He rarely has Youngest at his house, and Eldest has never been there. He will take Youngest out at the weekend now and again, but never Eldest. It's really really hard. I allow it because I miss him and I want to see him and I want him to see me and my changes. Which is a basic DBing error. And then I resent it because it feels really humiliating to cook for him and make him a coffee then wave him away at the door. He's not really pulling his weight with the kids. I could demand that - demand that he see Youngest at his house, and do the school uniform ironing and homework and all the other domestic drudge he is opting out of. And he'd do it too, I know he would. Then I'd never see him at all. And that would be really really hard on me. I do need to do that though. Things have taken a bit of a turn for the worse between us in this past couple of weeks - after a couple of months of this fairly stable and cordial routine. And it was because my feelings of resentment were growing and growing and he didn't seem to appreciate the efforts I was making to help him feel supported and welcome at a really difficult time in his career. It was messed up.
