Divorce and Acceptance Part 4

[Pax_luv]

Hi Devvo, thanks for the support. Interesting that your h may be dragging it out over his guilt. Either way, as long as you are ok with status quo and your finances are protected, then all you can do is live your best life.

Job, thank you. I already feel lighter knowing the end will be here soon. I’m actually like giddy-excited. Finally!


With that, I’m just a few days shy of 4 years physical separation! 4! Omg! I still don’t feel settled in my apartment and my dwelling is still set up like a temporary pit stop but that’s ok. I just renewed my lease for another 10 months. I can’t wait to see where I’ll be in 10 months. I remember my first night away in my first apartment. I can remember the exact feeling. It was like everything was moving in slow motion. I remember cooking my first dinner on the stove and reaching in slow motion for every ingredient and utensil. I made a whole box of pasta. Hahaha. I was used to cooking for two and having leftovers! I could barely eat back then, let alone a whole box of angel hair! It’s funny to me now. As always it’s nice to reflect how far I’ve come and I’m grateful that so many of those tortured heart sick moments are in the past.

Speaking of, ex doesn’t get much of my head space anymore. However, every now and again I’ll get my psychoanalyser out and make-up where he might be at. It’s interesting to me that he still harbors so much anger/ hatred towards me. While I’ll never know for sure, I think he has to hold on to that anger to continue to justify his actions. Could be very wrong. But I remember back when I was a teenager, my dad and I used to argue a lot. I was very independent and as the oldest daughter, he was very protective. We were at odds a lot. He was strict and I would get mad over something petty and I explicitly remember trying to hold on to the anger to prove a point. Even if it wasn’t real, I still had to act like I was still pissed or whatever I was feeling at the time in order to hold my ground as a mature young woman (hehehe).

That’s obviously something I grew out of, but I was questioning if that’s something my ex has been doing. I mean other than wanting a fair divorce, I have done nothing to him. In all honesty, if he’s mad at anyone, it should be himself because I’m not in his life at all.how can he be mad at me 4 YEARS later?

Anyway, just a Monday musing.

I have a busy week ahead and a fun weekend. I’m looking forward to the activities coming up.

Have a great day!