Got a life, now what?

[97Hope]

Accountant. Perfect. That, I can wrap my brain around. Thanks for the advice, Alison.

Journaling:

I had a meltdown today after a dental appointment. In 2005 I left my husband and 3 boys for another man. I drove by the apartment I stayed at during that time. It all kind of hit me at once how out of my mind I was and how horrible I was to my sweet family.

Remorse fell on my head like bricks. I cried and screamed and just let it all out. I think for the past 14 years I just kind of stuffed it. When I left H, he was devastated. It came to mind that he must have felt like I did in the first couple of months. I don't feel like I have this coming, but I do have a view from the other side. I truly was out of my mind back then. It took about 8 months for me to come to my senses. I had moments of remorse, but not like today. H and I got back together, but I don't think we every truly dealt with it all. We just kind of moved forward like nothing happened. I think today was good for me. I could feel the weight of it, and it is a part of why H and I are here, but I'm learning that instead of hanging myself on the rack for it, I can use it as a way to have compassion for others. H particularly, but others, too.

Have read "the hiding place" by Corrie Ten Boom and she talks about God only giving us what we can handle as we can handle it. I believe that. I believe that today I have an opportunity to work through something from my past that I did and heal.

After dental appointment and crying jag, I'm exhausted. Nap and then taking the rest of the day off to spend time outside. It's a billion degrees out but it's gorgeous.