This was a different conversation than in the past for us. This was the first time I didn’t leave upset and angry. It had very little to do with what she said, it had everything to do with how I handled it. Control myself and my reactions. I can end it at anytime if she decides to become vile and spew vitriol at me. So can you.
Awesome, well done LB!
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AS put it well for me a bit earlier. Validation is a one way street. Most people don’t know how to do it. If you only give validation expecting to receive it back I don’t think it will work. My W has no concept of validation. She is the best invalidater I know. Recognizing that behavior from her and not trying to get her to validate my statements is a it step for me. Previously I would have tried to get her to understand by repeating myself, stating in a different manner, using different words; all looking for the validation of my feeling. I’ve stopped looking for validation, instead choosing to validate others as a way to improve myself. It’s only been a few short days since I set my mind to this, there will be setbacks, but I can see progress within myself and in my relationships with others.
