I made plans to visit him and my parents and after a brief consultation with the wife I bought a plane ticket for Saturday, felt I really needed to get away and need some support. I could tell she was upset but said it was fine. The next morning I realized it was a rash decision so I canceled the ticket, decided to stay and spend time with my daughter.
I understand you're going through a lot of crazy emotions right now but try to avoid drinking and making hasty decisions because inconsistency and vacillation are just going to make things worse. You need to be the rock right now.
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Wife asked me last night if I'd looked any more at moving out. I stated that I don't see moving out as beneficial for our daughter and that I will end up looking like I'm abandoning her regardless of how we explain it.
There is no need to make excuses, just tell her you thought about it and you're definitely, 100% not moving out. Period. Tell her if she chooses to move out then that's her decision. Stand strong and firm.
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She used the example of me planning to leave on Saturday and from the previous weekend when I stayed at a friends house after going out for the evening - I was out GAL and she was upset that I didn't inform her exactly where and what I was doing and she didn't have an explanation for why I wasn't home.
A lot of LBS's get tripped up on this, they think GAL means just disappear and don't tell your W anything. If you are under the same roof and sharing parental responsibilities then don't just disappear, that is very disrespectful. You don't have to give her all the details but do let her know if you make plans to do something so she knows she has to watch D.
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She actually wants me to file for divorce. She's worried about how she appears to our family and friends, that she's the "bad guy" for wanting out when she deserves more and I haven't met her needs.
"W, I do not want a divorce. I want to work on the M with you. But I understand that is not what you want and that you wish to pursue D. I will not try to stop you, I will respect your wishes. But don't ask me to do the work for you, I most certainly will not as it is not what I want."
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I know I could make her happy if she could forgive. She says she forgives me but can't be married to me - then goes on to bring up ways in which I've hurt her. She's rewriting the past a bit by only remembering the bad times.
Very typical. But that is the way she sees things now so you have to be mindful of that. She's not lying or making it up, this really is how she remembers things. It will change with time.
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Since we can't decide on a way forward she wants to meet with a separation counselor to help us make decisions about living arrangements, how to tell our daughter and co-parent, etc. I've agreed to do this,just not sure how to find the correct person.
Again, DON'T DO THE WORK FOR HER. If she wants to meet with a separation counselor that's fine but SHE needs to set it up, not you.
