H has struggled with Eldest more and more as he's got into his teens too. I suspect it's about compliance - H simply does not have the skills to be empathic, validate, set boundaries in a calm and healthy way - all essential parts of being a parent to a teenager. I was pretty rubbish at it myself, actually - the family therapy session we had really helped me learn to stand up for myself a bit and not accept the kind of backchat and attitude I was regularly getting from Eldest just because it was normal teenage behaviour. Things between them are a lot easier now - though I can still see Eldest seeking validation and approval from H and H being just too self-absorbed and miserable or inflexible to dish it out. I know - because he's told me - he sees warmth and affection as part of a bartering system, and while he feels Eldest (and me) are in 'debt' to him due to poor behaviour on our parts (in his estimation) he is unable to give it without feeling like he's 'betrayed' himself. It's a horrible way to look at family relationships and is, I think, the reason why he's so isolated and lonely. Eldest is really, really hard work but he's also a very sensitive and affectionate person, and H is missing out on so much of his humour and love and seeing the way he's grown and developed over the past few months. Eldest made me and Youngest lunch yesterday - and shoed me out of the kitchen when I tried to help and told me to take a rest. I nearly passed out!!
How did your drs appointment go? Did you have any better suggestions for how to handle or treat the hormonal stuff? I am not there yet (I am 36) but I have friends who found great help with the patches and very little side effects.
