I can see it so clearly because the thing is, I used to be just like this. Probably every bit as bad and worse than my H is being - or yours, Dilly. I had plenty of excuses - some illness, a terrible, terrible toxic childhood, a stressful job, annoying colleagues, etc - but in the end they were just excuses for the fact I didn't have the skills to make the effort to look for and enjoy all the good things in my life, and was too selfish to care for my own sadness rather than dump it in the laps of the people that I loved. It took a lot of therapy for me to get over that. But it is so freeing to step away from blame. I still fall into it, lots of times, sometimes lots of times in a day - but I know when I am doing it and I (mainly) know how to get myself out of it.
