Brave Little Gerda Faces the Icy Game of Reason

[HaWho]

Yes, of the many situations here, I have always thought ours were similar.

It is so amazing that you at getting at the root of that fear you have of him. Good stuff. You know, if you want, you can have your lawyer tell him that you only want to communicate through lawyers. Or, you can stop opening his emails. Hear me out on this. I also had a fear of seeing his emails in my inbox. They were so laced with anger in the beginning because he did not want me to get a lawyer. So I would send them to my sister and she would read them and tell me if there was anything worth responding to. She was funny about it. Usually she would skim it and say “nope, nothing worthwhile here. Let’s move on.”

As for how I began to heal, it began when he was still living with us. (You already started when he was living with you too.) I’m a walker and I walked and walked. I made playlists and walked to those. Then I was in church a lot praying for God not to leave me to rot in this situation. I posted a lot here and that was therapeutic. Job was a beacon to me as were so many others here. I read a lot about depression and midlife crisis and that helped me. It took many conversations with Job for me to understand I didn’t cause this and I could not fix it.

Then I returned to work and that was a biggie. My ex was always telling me I was incompetent and unattractive. He was quite ruthless in his criticisms of me. Returning to work was a huge piece of re-building my self esteem. Once we were divorcing, I started to tell people some of what he said about me and that helped me see how ridiculous his comments and criticisms were. I wish I had talked to people sooner rather than shouldering it myself. That just made me own the shame longer. I think when we show vulnerability people step in to give a hand up. We should talk more about our perceived failings. Don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel about the divorce label. Confide in trusted people and you will see you are not alone.

You will continue to forge your own path to healing in your own timeframe. You are on your way...