Growing Pains(LB55 thread 4)

[LB55]

Following our conversation the other night, I haven’t really engaged her on anything, just like I said I would do. When she is ready I am here to listen.

She texted me today in a more pleasant tone to ask me for my version of how co parenting will work and to put it in writing. I told her I will think about it but that I am hesitant to put anything in writing because I’ve been burned by that.

She also said she owed me a conversation where she listens and I talk. I disagreed; I told her that she doesn’t owe me for my time and attention. This really got her thinking. She replied that she always thought it should be quid pro quo and everyone always expects to receive something if they give something. Lots of Hmmm and interesting comments with thinking emojis. I simply replied that it is interesting, huh?

Also told me that if she had known what “I’m just here to listen” meant that she would have had more to say. She thought of many things that she would like to discuss after our conversation was over. Sounds like I have hours of non-defensive listening to come. That’s ok.

Then she asked me if it was a change in me or if I had always been that way. I haven’t replied. Of course I haven’t always been this way. I had no concept of validation until recently. So it’s a change. I’m hesitant to tell her that because she has to realize it’s a change in me, not me to tell her so. My Actions, not my words will do this. She needs to determine that for herself. This will be a difficult realization for her, as she has stated many times that people cannot change. I am choosing to remain mysterious at this point on the topic of change.

Giving validation without expecting it in return; a big breakthrough for LB. Thanks AS and Steve. This has been what I am struggling with and I feel great knowing that I can do this for myself. If it helps W to come around, then great. If not, I helps me Everyday anyway.

Had a fun day at the demolition derby with S11 yesterday and today mountain biking.