H’s visit came and went. I told him I wasn’t available for lunch, but if he was still around when I got home, we could chat or meet up next week. D19 was feeling very anxious about their get-together. She told me that he wasn’t emotionally there for her just like his dad wasn’t for him. Wow. She further said that she feels like doing anything for Father’s Day for him would be like a farce. Wow again! I encouraged her to discuss with her dad how she felt. That she would like to be closer to him. She’s got a lot on her plate right now, with work and other things. She ended up texting me she wasn’t up for discussing anything with her dad. He took her to the bank after he did the lawn, then she just wanted fast food. They ate in the kitchen.
They arrived just after I did. I puttered around the house and just let them eat. Not too much was said. I made a little snack for myself and sat with them for the last 5 or 10 minutes. D19 then said she was going for a nap.
H started making a drink for both of us. That was his signal he decided to stay. That was fine. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave. We chatted about work, neighborhood association stuff going on, and other benign stuff. I pray regularly for God to guide me on my interactions with H. To tell me when to listen, when to speak. So, I broached the subject of D19. At first he made a defensive statement that he does see her. I just calmly stated that his visits are brief, and D19 expressed that she feels disconnected with him. I also stated she has needed an extraordinary about of my emotional support lately, and I spend a lot of time with her doing that. I was calm, not blaming, and just giving a few facts. He calmly listened.
I then asked him if he was satisfied with the way things are between us. He immediately asked “are you?”. I just said I asked him a question, and would appreciate an answer. He struggled not to break down. He said he deserved his situation and everything he got because of his actions and choices. I just agreed that yes, they were his actions and choices. Still very calm and compassionate. I wasn’t faking. I do feel compassion. I said that past doesn’t have to hold him back from moving forward. That I could be very wrong, but to me it seems like he was existing, and wouldn’t it be better to be living (paraphrase). He said “it’s better than not existing”. I just nodded understanding.
That was about the extent of the more “serious” part of our interaction.
About 3 hours after that visit, I received a text message from him:
“Thank you for making me aware that I need to pay a lot more attention to the kids. I’ve already started by sending them both messages that are positive and uplifting. But yes I get it. It was good to see you.” He followed up with a few more messages explaining to me where I can find several shows we discussed when he was here that he thought I’d like.
I only responded thanks for the info and you’re welcome about the kids. No interaction since, but I didn’t expect it.
I’m not overthinking or looking for signs of anything in our interaction or his note. But, it does seem he softened a bit. Or is now realizing more clearly what he is losing. That’s for him to figure out
Spent a nice day at church, and shopping with D19. Getting stuff done around the house which is long overdue due to my extensive GAL activities on the weekends lol. I went out with friends Friday night, but it’s nice to be home for a few days. Even delivered my “pillow case” dresses to the organizer for the mission trip to Guatemala today. I only got 14 done. My goal was 20, but when the kids came home from college, I fell off the sewing wagon. I’m pleased with them, though. I pray that the little girls will feel pretty in them.
