That would be good wouldn't it? I have some lovely friends but none of them have gone through anything remotely like this. Journalling. Picked up H from the station and he asked if he could drive my new car (lol usually he would just tell me he was driving) so I said yes. He didn't nitpick too much, he thinks about the car pretty much what I do: it's practical and nice to drive if not as sporty as his usual preference. We went for a walk and he was quite whiney, he was wearing open toed sandals and the route I'd picked out (which is beautiful) was quite sandy and rocky and he cut his foot, not sure if he was implying if it was my fault for not warning him about the shoes or whether that was me feeling defensive, I apologised once for not telling him about the route and then just validated after that. He whined about work quite a bit too and I just validated that as well. I think we were both feeling tired after we'd both had a lot of exercise yesterday and neither of us were sparkling conversationalists. Then we went back and picked the kids up and had an early dinner, that was ok, then I took him back to the station.
We spent quite a bit of time together and it was just a bit dull TBH. Next weekend I'm away and H is coming back home for the weekend to take ds2 to his activities, I was a bit hurt that he said he'd come back Friday evening when he's never come back on a Friday when I've been here, but clearly overnighting in the same house with me is now difficult for him. Sigh. But I didn't show that I was upset about that, just let it go. Then he asked if I'd like to go to lunch one day next week as he has some work dinners next week. I agreed to go one day, but honestly lunch is a bit short and dissatisfying, if he's just going to offer lunch from now on I might turn him down.
I had a cry on the drive home from the station but mostly because there was a sad song on the radio, I just feel kind of numb really. A bit hopeless, not seeing what will change or even whether I want H back really. I feel like we actually spend more time together now since he's moved out than we did before, in terms of doing stuff together instead of just occupying the same house. But I would actually just like 1) someone to watch telly with 2) someone to have sex with and 3) someone I can be emotionally intimate with. Oh well, I'll be patient a bit longer, things change and at least I feel quite detached right now. I was actually looking at group overseas walking holidays for the anniversary/birthday week, one of them looked interesting though I have to be careful not to take too much time off as I have lots of work to do still.
