Thank you Alison. It is so hard. My H has admitted to the affair, he states it is over, she no longer attends his gym classes, and all contact has stopped. From what I have been told, the decision to end things was mutual, but the decision to end all contact was hers. I think it was certainly more on her end.
I too wish I had been more decisive through all of this. I have flip flopped back and forth, which has only complicated things more. My H has been very remorseful. He has told me what issues in our marriage pushed him away, but admits he made the worst decision of his life when he started to contact OW. He tells me daily how sorry he is. I am the love of his life. He can't live with the pain he has caused me. He brings me home dinner, cooks, does yard work, etc. Checks on me via phone or text. He tells me where he is pretty much at all times and spends little time at the gym. But...... he still wants to leave.
Admittedly, our marriage had issues. I took H for granted and thought the issues we were having would be worked out as we moved through this empty nest faze of our lives. There is some anger and resentment as H says he wishes I was fighting for our marriage all along, why now? He worries that I don't trust or believe anything he says, and that is constantly on his mind (as it should be!).
Obviously my H is not ready to choose reconciliation. He needs to figure some things out and decide if he wants to fight for this marriage. He is distraught right now, he has cried, he is overwhelmed and sad. He claims he wants to "fix" this for me, but he doesn't know how. I am really trying to remain hopeful. He seems sincere in his plan of us "dating", in this new chapter. He jokes that I will have to move in with him as he has signed a lease. I don't know if this is plan B or if he believes it. I guess time will tell.
I've done a much better job the past few days getting out and giving us space. I am putting on a happy face and trying to stay busy. I will continue to do so and work on myself and my own healing.
