Growing Pains(LB55 thread 4)

[LB55]

I asked W to discuss an issue with S11. She agreed to discuss it with me. When I arrived her parents car was in the driveway. This made me nervous, I proceeded anyway. We talked about the issue my son. It went ok.

She decided to start some R talk once we were done with the kid discussion. I didn’t ask questions, just listened and validated her feelings. There was less blame and finger pointing so that was good. She talked for about an hour. Dinner was ready, so it was time for me to go. She kept asking me if I had something I wanted to say. I simply said I’m here to listen. Before I left she said that when she is ready to hear my feelings she will let me know. I’m good with that.

I had never listened that intently to her before. Eye contact, repeating portions of what she said, etc. At one point she asked why I was looking at her like I would have a couple years ago. I had read that one can reduce defensiveness by remembering a good time from the past during a tough discussion. So that’s what I did.

I was happy with how I handled it. No arguing, just an hour of validation.