Yes we did pre marital counciling and ironically the preacher that married us was divorce. We watch those movies on fireproof and read all the books about marriage and our first year things were good. We watch fireproof the first week we were married. I would never dare yell at her the way, Kirk Cameron did in the movie initially. but I am known to raise my voice a lot and I do have a bit of a temper. She has a tendency to exaggerate and project a lot. Our Communication patterns suck. We literally passed right over each other. The communication was good for the first two or three years though.

There's a lot of idealistic and division of labor trust issues between us being married for almost 10 years. I know I'm wrong for telling the W this, but I'm obviously not one to hold in my feelings. I'm very upfront honest and vocal. Almost too much. I alluded to the wife being selfish for doing what she's doing. I understand why she's being selfish because she was such a people pleaser for so many years within her family from a little girl all the way through her marriage that she never put herself first, and now it's all about putting herself her needs her wants her desires and her future first. Again I understand it but that doesn't mean I agree with it. She thinks her happiness is going to come from pursuing all these wild and crazy purposes and adventures and trips and stuff and Reinventing herself living with single mom life pursuing all the things she may or may not have wanted to in the past. she thinks that as long as she is happy she will be a good role model for our son. There's definitely depression there on her end, she hides it very well but I can see it. She has weight issues and daddy issues. her father is a good man but he currently has dementia apparently he was emotionally unavailable to her as a child. according to her and her counselor she uncovered that because her father had a lot of anxieties deal with the cause of Vietnam, he would go to the liquor store every day in and put down a six-pack in her childhood. And she would get candy and sweets and whatnot she is an emotional eater. he is a good man and he was a good provider but I don't think he had an intimate relationship with his daughter or any of his children. I've seen her slim down three times in my life but she never remains consistent with it. my wife is very well composed and even tempered. you would never think that she would have any emotional issues. very nice girl but if you ever got to know her over the long haul you would see she was a people pleaser too accommodating not authentic enough, and ever slightly phony.

me on the other hand I have my issues as well as being emotional person being loud and boisterous in a good and a bad way. But not always. I can definitely say that my father was verbally abusive. my father was a strong and Driven Man. Somehow his Tendencies of come out in me within my marriage. my mother was the empathetic one and she raised us emotionally. so I have a healthy balance of both I can be sweet kind and compassionate but yet I can be really downright irritable frustrated and nasty sometimes. my mother is practically a saint completely sacrificial and a bit naive to her the Loyalty of her family to the point where my brothers who currently live with her do abuse her and her home to an extent. it was always funny watching my parents fight all throughout the years. My father completely dominated her. Was insecure and controlling. what was funny was in her fifties she started fighting back. I remember one or two instances where mug started flying in the kitchen with my mother and my father knew to back off. I watched them go through all the stages of life. Love, co dependency, mild verbal abuse, distance pursuit jealousy you name it. it's weird my household was a little bit dysfunctional growing up but we always had deep and philosophical meaningful conversations about lice me always put our emotions out there we never avoid conflict within the family. my wife's family is somewhat similar but different but they avoid conflict. so maybe the both of us are regressing back to our childhood learned behaviors from our parents now that we have a son of own, find the values and principles are a little bit different and a just not compatible I don't know that's just my psychological opinion. I would be lying myself if I didn't say I had some selfish needs. I'm a very affectionate and sexual person but I'm also emotional too. I've tried for 7 months of reconcile with wife that's just not happening, as she continues to pack up her stuff and sell the house piece by piece, with no regards to my well-being or the marriage, for keeping the family intact for the sake of our son. My trust in her goes down and down more everyday. I figure it this way if she could do it once she could do it again. That's the part of me that wants to push through the divorce. on the other hand I am having a hard time letting her go completely. some weeks I think I have let her go another week that comes right back up again feelings from the past. she doesn't see a future with me and she doesn't care about the past for history and as we know dear they rewrite history to everything being absolute negatives.

I don't think I could ever demonstrate to her any incentives of staying unless we were physically separated for some time. We can't agree on anything with are different perceptions, so basically like what the hell is the point I might as well try and focus on me have fun get out and do my thing try to stay sane maybe date a little bit? There's nothing to salvage my marriage is dead. Basically as I told Wolfman we are all,just looking for small improvements, a social life, and temporary filler to get us through our siches.