Guys I'm really having a hard time with my rage. Four things causing it. One being compulsive thinking about entire R, looking for Clues and ques and words against actions with W throughout M.
First of all, it's OK to be angry. Anger is an emotion, it's no "better" or "worse" than any other emotion, it's one of many emotions we all experience throughout a year, month, week and sometimes even day. But do try to find reasonable ways to process that anger. Boxing or the shooting range or the gym or sports or something. Hell I remember riding my motorcycle to a remote spot and just getting off and screaming my head off until I was hoarse and dizzy.
Second, let me remind you of what you just said recently:
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I really have no interest in spending time with her anymore, unless she's willing to recommit to M. I've made myself clear too many trust issues have been broken, she's not willing to work together on them, so Im done and pushing forward.
If you are that done with her, then how is it she has so much power over your state of mind? Do what you said you are doing- BE DONE AND PUSH FORWARD.
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I'm really angry that I cannot have much of a social life.
Then make one. If she can't watch the kids then hire a sitter.
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Every time I come home on Friday she always remind me that she's making plans. It f@$!ing pisses me off to no end when she goes out.
Hire a sitter and go out yourself.
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I also noticed she started wearing lipstick doing her nails wearing different perfumes and start trimming her nether regions. I again I don't know for sure but I think there's something going on there. I just want to know if my suspicions and instincts and intuition is right?
Your suspicions of what, an affair? You want nothing to do with her and you are perusing dating sites, why do you care what she's doing.
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I hate the fact that I have to box up all my $hit still, find a storage locker, eventually start looking for a new home or apt.
Well it's an inconvenience, no question about that. But here's the deal. You were way too codependent and whose fault is that? I went through this soul-searching during that same period of anger and frustration that you are going through and determined I wasn't mad at W, I was mad at MYSELF. At the end of the day I had grown too dependent on her, relied too much on her, based too many plans on a future with her. I RELINQUISHED RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!! Once I came to that realization, I came to another one- I was the one that had to right that wrong. And I did. It took years of hard work and discipline but I finally adjusted to being completely independent. The buck stops here, I am solely responsible for my happiness, my health, my well-being, my groceries, my bills, my taxes, my mortgage. This is what we should all strive for. Then we may "want" someone to join us in this ride called life, but we don't "need" them. And there is a big difference there.
So be angry, that's fine. But turn it into a new phase of personal productivity. Grow. Prosper.
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I just either want an intact family with son and W, or I want to restart my own life and be where I want to be and do what I want to do, and have a successful thriving time doing it.
