guess one of my issues what's really is driving my rage at the thought of a blended family in the future. I don't want that for my son but I have no choice. She wants to raise him one way and I want to raise him another. Being as conservative as I have become I just don't believe in splitting up the family.
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Maybe I need to move to a different part of the country I don't know?
So in one thought you don't want to split your family up, in the next you are talking about moving hundreds of miles away?
IHC I know you are struggling. And I think your first paragraph gave me a good idea why. You gave up something you love for your W? I assume once BD hit you gave up the range and militia to try to get her back? Is this your pattern? Have you been DBing with one eye on her to see her reaction? Did you file for D hoping that would wake her up?
One of the things we coach posters on is to strive to do NOTHING for her benefit. If you do, it will backfire and not result in what you think it should or hope it would. And I think this is where a lot of your issues are stemming from. You have tried to manipulate and control through your entire sitch, and then get frustrated when it doesn't work the way you think it should. Frustration breeds anger. Anger breeds rage. Thus here we are.
Your last line in your earlier post nailed it. You HAVE to learn to be happy by yourself. Otherwise you will never be happy with someone, and they certainly won't be happy with you. I think you are in IC, right? If not, get in it. If you are, then consider changing to another C.
IHC you have a chance here to improve and move forward. Don't let that chance go by. Don't look back in 10, 15, 20 years from now with regrets that you didn't take this opportunity to learn and grow!
LH hit you with a lot of truth bombs. Consider them very carefully.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
