Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

Hey Sandi,

I appreciate the response. I highly respect your option and journey and willingness to share it with the rest of us.

Yes emotional shopping is an addiction and just as hard to break as any other. It can be more insidious though, because going to the store is unavoidable. Everyone needs to eat and kids need stuff lol In my case it was never a conscious decision. Never an "I feel like crap lets go buy something". I was always I'd already be depressed and next thing i knew we'd be fighting about the money spent. Most of the time it all went back. Since moving it has been an even bigger effort to tell myself no. Being in town makes it SOOO easy to just pop in and see whats new. And yes losing weight and needed new clothes didn't help. Neither did needing things for the new house.

I will readily admit to unintentional pursuit after bomb drop before finding info like here. TBH it was when he'd be home instead of running away out to bars before I found out about OW and we would hang out with alcohol. Stupid I know. Being no new and hurting I scarfed up those crumbs he threw every time. That all stopped in Nov when I'm guessing guilt got the better of him after things went physical with the OW and he called me while they were out at a bar. I did the opposite of what would have been expected. I didn't react. No yelling or crying. I honestly expected it just didn't know when or how I'd find out. At that point he still claimed they were just friends. That "she got him" and their "personalities were just alike". I had a "whoop there it is" moment in my head lol By that point I'd already found this site and heartsblessing's sermons. I was more prepared than if I'd gotten the affair knowledge at bomb drop in July. I was still devastated but after a good crying jag by myself it honestly helped trigger growth in me personally. I had already been gaining strength emotionally and finding my self-confidence for the first time ever so this just gave me more resolve to be the better person. Not to stoop down to their level. Be the better person for me and my kids. To know that no matter what I handled everything with grace and dignity.

Yes he is still paying for everything. I get the lion share of the paycheck and he's got an small amount going to a separate account that he uses. I have suspicions that the OW has been helping with his rent while shes been gone. Obviously have no proof just my intuition.

I have to say other than the very beginning I haven't lost sleep over all this. There has been the occasional toss and turn night with dreams processing everything but for the most part I sleep like a baby

I do not talk about her at all with him. I don't make any noise about her whatsoever. That is his emotional ticking time bomb not mine. To the point that a week after she came back and I hadnt heard from him his second message to me was "Oh btw incase you care OW is back..." my response was OK. Then "how will this affect kids" lol. I'm not 100% sure why he felt the need to tell me other than to get a reaction. It's like dude what did you expect???

I literally LOL'd at the looking hot comments. I have to say that has been part of my 180's and I've never felt better. I have always been a jeans a tshirt kinda girl, but making the effort to wear a blouse with my jeans and cute shoes makes a huge difference. Making myself do something besides a ponytail with my hair and put on my makeup goes along way to feeling better about myself. And I know he's noticed because he's complemented me. You could have knocked me over with a feather the first time he told me my hair looked nice a couple months ago. He was actively flirting with me. To the point the kids noticed. And we have talked at great length about what their dad is going through. Minus OW. That is his can of worms to open or not.

While I was doing night classes he was coming over and helping with the kids picking up from practices and such. I was already gone by that point. But on the weekends when he'd drop off or pick up I always made sure I looked great and so did the house. (That was a big 180 after my depression keeping the house properly) But I would make plans to hang out with friends with kids which he would find out about from D11 and it would make him so nosy. Asking all sorts of questions lol Where ya at? What ya doing? When ya gonna be home? At x house. Hanging out. IDK

He has shown and expressed confusion. He has told my SIL a few times he didnt know what to do. That he loved us both. He gets "fed up" with OW BS. Tired of the lies. He has told me a few times he feels crazy and doesnt know whats wrong with him. He knows he's f ing up. He has even gone so far as to get full panel blood work done and testing for early onset alzheimer's. He's been convinced he might have some kind of cancer. Obviously nothing like that and all test came back normal. I know I cant say anything about MLC. About all ive done is say stress and depression can be rough on the mind and body. He is on anti-d meds because of sleep issues. So those might be helping him a little.

Yes! When I got a big ol goose egg for acknowledgement on mothers day because OW had just gotten back I took a deep breath and said Ok. I said ok Goddess if thats his choice then there is your answer. Step back. I needed to pull up my emotional big girl panties and give him ALL the space. And get mine too. The first couple times after that when he sent random texts i had mild panic attacks. Now less than three weeks later I don't anymore. Just the mild confusion on the best way to handle those random text

And yes I will be just fine. He is the one losing the best thing to ever happen to him.