Still here. Still not detached... (Part 4)

[Chris73]

Hi Slater and AnotherStander. Thanks for your responses.

...has your ex-wife ever hinted or said that she regrets her decision or that she might want to try again?

Not even once.

...if not, would you if she asked and what would that have to look like before you agreed?

My answer to that has changed as time has passed. If you had asked me that a year ago I would have said: "Maybe, with a lot of work to restore trust." But a year later, the only reason why I would still entertain the idea of a reconciliation is for the sake of kids having a more stable environment... but that's really not a good reason.

...are you still attracted to her now that you're almost detached?

I'm really not. For a while after she left I used to fantasize about being with her physically, but that doesn't happen anymore. The feelings of pain and loss have been almost completely replaced by a generic feeling of emptiness - neither positive or negative...just void.

The good news for me is that in addition to the space she's put between us and the continued presence of OM, she's starting to lose her looks a little. I realize how superficial that statement is, but I guess if the ultimate goal is detachment, any little bit helps right?

Have you thought about approaching her first and stating that you are ready to proceed with D and ask if she is OK with mediation? My XW had papers drawn up early on but never filed. A couple of years after BD I was finally the one to push it through. We used the papers she had drawn up and technically she filed, but it was at my request.

Actually, this sounds exactly like my situation. So far we have worked together on all the aspects of ending the marriage. Nothing legal has been drafted, but we did write up a separation agreement that needed to be signed and notarized in order for me to refinance my mortgage and remove her from the house. So when I broached the subject back in December, my preference was that we would work together to handle the filing. But we haven't discussed it since. Earlier this week I asked her about it again and she said she would need to wait until she was settled in her new house... she's moving this weekend. So I'm going to give it a little more time.