I have learned that I need to stop pursuing. I need to stop saying I love you. I need to stop putting pressure on my wife. Every time I do this, I can sense that it pulls her further away from me. It is just so tough because we are living together, and except for marriage counseling, acting as if we have a normal family. We are sleeping in the same bed, but she rarely touches me. I feel like she is both a walk away spouse and having a midlife crisis.
Destroyd, your sitch is very similar to mine. MLC. WAW. WW. Living together. Normal other than knowing she wanted out and wanted a D. Slept in the same bed, though she was so far to the other edge I have no idea how she didn't fall out of it.
Have you read DR? Because many of your questions come across as naive. Everyone of us whether we had a WAW and/or a WW and/or a W in a MLC heard history writing. My W told me point blank,on BD, that she hadn't been happy a single day in the nearly 19 years we had been married. Something that simply was not true!
But here is the thing Detroyd, perception IS reality. IE, someone's perception is their reality. If she truly believes the rewriting of history there is nothing you can do to snap her out of that. It is out of your control. And until you accept that you have no control over her I feel you will continue to struggle.
Control is at the root of a lot of posters' that claim they can't DB issue. You still think you can woe her. That you can nice her and love her back. That you can court her and do the things you did when you were dating her to get her to fall back in love with you. That worked back when you were dating, there is too much water under the bridge for that to ever be successful again.
So your choice is simple:continue to try to control and push her further away. Or let go of control, focus on you, and let her deal with her own stuff. We all come here because our W's asked for time and space, and we are struggling giving them that time and space. WAWs are like a cat. If you approach the cat....pick up the cat.....try to hang on to the cat and make it let you hold it....it will fight, struggle, and claw to get away. If you let the cat approach you, jump up in your lap, then it will lay there for a long time. WAWs need to be the one to come back of their own volition, or else they will secretly be plotting their getaway the entire time.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
