Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

How do you picture quality time with your W?

Sandi, QT for me with my W is being present with her and showing up without distractions. Asking her about her day at work, listening to her struggles, giving her emotional support, eating meals together, etc. All without looking at the phone, computer, TV. Really prioritizing her and making her feel that my time with her is what’s most important to me in those moments. QT is also working on projects together around the house. These are great bonding experiences where we connect as partners and both can gain a sense of accomplishment when complete.

Date nights are key too and now I feel these should occur almost weekly. My W and I really didn’t go on dates since our son was born 8 years ago. We don’t have any family nearby and didn’t seek out babysitters too often, maybe a few times a year if we were attending a wedding or some other celebration. Life became very routine and heavily focused on raising the kids. One on one time just being around your mate and enjoying their company is so important to a successful MR. I see that now and miss it immensely.

I have really grown to appreciate QT since bomb drop. Admittedly, I was distracted before and didn’t realize the importance of this LL. I took my time with her for granted and didn’t make her feel special. Definitely a 180 for me that I was able to show when she was still living at home, not so easy when separated with limited communication and time together.

Filling her love tank is a maintenance item. Maintenance doesn't work after a breakdown.

Think of it like a car. Do the routine maintenance and it will keep purring along. Ignore the routine maintenance and you'll have a breakdown. Changing the oil on a car with a blown engine is a waste of time....and oil.

Steve, I can attest that speaking LLs post-BD hasn’t seemingly helped my sitch. While she may think it is nice and appreciates it on some level, it’s not enough when there is so much resentment present. Respect and love must be regained first, then consistently speaking LLs will prevent another breakdown from happening in the future.