Well in a way you're lucky having moved house like this and not having had him live there. I find my current house excruciating sometimes, because we have lived there together almost all our married lives. Sometimes I want nothing more than to sell up and move somewhere with no memories. You know, like my H has done, he hasn't even let me see his flat.
I hadn't seen FS's definition of a temp check before, I kind of assumed it was any non-essential contact. I would have taken that text as temp checking myself. You sound like you're doing ok, if he's busy having an A then you're plan B and you are too good to be plan B.
The SAHM and breadwinner dynamic is interesting, I think fundamentally it's about power imbalances and living very different lives. I agree that being a SAHM with small children is incredibly hard, and also the difficulty is impossible for the spouse to appreciate. Similarly, working a stressful job with long hours is also hard. I never, ever wanted to end up living an unequal marriage, but my H worked such ridiculous hours that I figured one of us had to be at home to be a parent. You do lose confidence being at home, but then if you're at work all the time you feel like you're not part of the family, I feel like that's what happened to my H, especially as the kids got older. And the less you engage with your family, the less they engage with you and you have a vicious circle of disconnected lives.
