thanks for that. I feel okay. Sad, but not surprised, and okay.
I think you're right - he probably wants to be able to offer me what I want, and he can't. And I understand that. I don't think he's hurting me deliberately. But the situation was hurting me and it's my responsibility to take care of myself. It looks impulsive, I'll admit that - but from the start of this separation I'd always said to myself I wouldn't carry on with 'holding on to him' (as he put it) unless he gave me something to hold on to, and that I needed to see that happening by the end of his big work project. The main part of his big project ended in the middle of May. What he's doing now is a normal amount of working hours at a location near to his (and our) home.
What I've had from him so far is words - promises to start repairing in the future, promises for MC and a change in his working location - but action has not materialised. He comes over and sees his kids here a couple of times a week, is cooked for, is looked after and cherished when he is sick, but in terms of offering to meet my needs - there's not much more forthcoming then there was six months ago. Things have vastly improved between him and Eldest - and I am so glad for that for both their sakes, but that isn't a marriage. Things are more cordial between us, but I suspect that's because a) I've got less needy - appropriately so and b) better at pretending my valid needs aren't important.
My valid needs aren't being met, I don't see any signs of them being met - or of him even being able to move past blame long enough to acknowledge that they are valid - and I don't want to wait any more. I am so much happier in every single area of my life, and the marriage and my relationship to H felt like the millstone around my neck. I will be heartbroken to let it go - but in order to move forward into a happy life I either need someone working with me to build a new marriage, or I need to be single so I can complete the building of my own happy life. I had hoped for the first but it looks like what I'll be doing is the second, and that has to be okay.
