New to this - need to talk

[DnJ]

Hello bdp

SoloFlex has given you very good advice.

Yes I’m cycling hard, it’s so hard because common sense says talk, communicate all the things couples should do to work things out.

I think you see just how counterintuitive this all is. It is very hard to go against those ingrained common sense ideas. However, at this time it will just push you and her further apart.

Dig deep for patience. Find a healthy outlet for your frustration and resentment. Physical exertion is a good way. Sweat it out. Get a punching bag, run, chop wood, join a gym, whatever, something active. It gets the frustration out, makes your healthy, and gives you something else to think about - while gasping for breath. lol.

Lots of us are fixers. It takes a while to really get it. You didn’t break her, therefore you can’t fix her.

However, you can fix/work on yourself. Focus on you. Keep getting more and more time where you don’t think about her, or what she is doing.

Stop reading her instagram posts. Or better yet block them. That kind of thing keeps you attached. Realize you are fighting your mind and the addiction you have to her. This is very difficult to overcome. Keep at it.

My biggest problem is that I’m a fixer. I can’t let things go. Hopefully this will be part of my growth.

Yes you will have growth. I would like to point an area for you currently, a caution really.

“I can’t let things go.”

Do be careful how you say things, your mind is listening. It will make your words a reality. If you say I can’t - you will find you really can’t.

In a similar way your listening mind will facilitate things to happen. For example:

“My biggest problem is that I’m a fixer. I can’t find it hard to let things go. Hopefully this will be part of my growth.”

This sounds less rigid and more likely to actually happen.

I do want to be clear. You probably are correct, at this moment you can’t let things go. The first step in growth is to change that, is to change can’t. Realize it is not can’t - just difficult. That makes a big difference, and allows you to start taking those small steps to actually grow. To be able to let things go.

You are doing well. Stay strong.

DnJ