Brave Little Gerda Faces the Icy Game of Reason

[Gerda]

Job and DnJ, thank you for being there this morning. Your notes were a great help to keep my focus.

I noticed that both kids are scared and both kept asking me how Papa would live, where he would live, as if they know that he will completely collapse and fall apart without being in our house.

That is where my fear comes in.

But I am not even sure if he has another woman, so maybe he is going there.

He has barely spoken to the kids. I think he is so ashamed but is channeling it all into hating me.

This current stage is an admission that he really is crazy, this realy is happening. I know that seems ridiculous since I have been at this for six years, but as I was saying to SJohn above, it wasn't until last year, or til he filed, that he stopped seeming like he was "ours" and that we were waiting. Now I am just pushing him to follow through on what he asked for. It feels awful, but I am just hoping that the peace will start soon.

Something awful happened yesterday with my son's teacher and therapist -- and then when I asked my father for money to help me with this, he wrote me a long note about how I never think of taking care of him! I feel like I am surrounded by so much toxicity.

But then I opened my e-mail and my best friend had sent me 5K via PayPal. I did not even ask her for it. She just wrote, "loaner" in the subject line and told me in a separate note that I was a better investment than any bank.

So I guess there's one person teaching us what love means.