Journalling The talk I went to last night was a LOT of fun, really enjoyed it but was glad it finished early so I didn't have too late a night (this GAL stuff is tiring!). I chatted to a young girl sitting next to me, that was lovely to chat to a complete stranger at a very different stage of life from me. I weakened and sent H a text this morning and he texted back, but I will not do this again. I am still flip-flopping between the idea that if he is having an A then I'm doing exactly the wrong thing telling him I'm plan B. And then thinking that if he's going through a MLC and just clinging onto things while struggling through his life that he needs someone to be there for him. And that maybe little by little we can build a connection again, since we've had a few times when we seemed to get closer (only for him to shove me away though). Maybe the truth is neither of those things. And in any case I need to keep on GAL, working hard and doing my life to the best of my ability and living in the moment whilst pushing aside my needs for love and affection and intimacy and sex. Though I don't know how much longer I can push those aside for, I really don't.
Anyway, I'm taking the kids and a friend of theirs away today for a few days, ought to be fun. Long walk with H on Sunday, I'll see how it goes. Must tattoo 'validation' on my eyelids and avoid any R talks like the plague. I expect H to get twitchy about me going away next weekend, he has always suffered separation anxiety when I go away but now he's not able to be nasty to me about it!
