I think nothing should be said for the time being. I think he's burned out and depressed. I also wonder if he's going to feel resentful and forced into a corner by me. He is going to feel pressured. He has a right to feel that. There is pressure here and I am applying it. The corner he is in is to work on our marriage, or watch me end it - and yes, he can feel as resentful about that as he likes, but I won't tolerate a half-life any longer. It might be that if I'd waited another three months then he'd have had his time to rest and reflect and come back to me on his own, but that wasn't possible for me - it was a boundary - and that is where we are. I think he does believe this. Which doesn't mean I expect hearts and flowers and a happy ending today.
I think I need to carry on with GAL and 180s and detaching and as far as I can, ignore his numpty comments (which come from fear and resentment and uncertainty - and I can have empathy with that because I feel it too, but I've had the rest and reflection time that he hasn't had) and set a boundary on the blaming and cruel behaviour. I won't argue with him about it, but I won't get embroiled in it any more either. I can be caring and loving without being a doormat. That's going to be hard for me, but that's my problem and not his. And I know in my heart of hears I am ready to end this marriage if he isn't able to participate in repair. I need to think to myself about what small steps from him would look like to me. But for the time being he can rest and we can talk about starting MC in a couple of weeks.
