How does one GAL with young kids at home? I don't want to be accused of abandoning the kids to do my own thing. Do I ask H to watch the kids or do I make plans, announce I'm leaving and go?
How old are your kids?
Personally, I think it is extremely rude for one parent to make plans and just assume the other parent will watch the kids.
I take it you haven't met my wayward wife then!
It is challenging, and maybe my experience will be a cautionary tale. We have a 2-year-old and little extra money for a babysitter, and D2 is terrible around people outside her very tight inner circle anyway. So when one of us goes out, the other is almost always home with D2.
Since the start of 2019 my W has wanted to go out just about all the time. On a work/school trip (she works in a school) in February, she befriended a colleague she didn't know before. They are inseparable since and it seems my W would go out with her every single night if not for pesky D2. For a few weeks she was grabbing every opportunity to go out and just leaving D2 with me. It made it very hard for me to GAL.
After she went out with no notice to me at all, I told her we needed to put things on a calendar in advance. That became her scrambling to fill in every night on the calendar possible before I could, and me trying to beat her to the punch, an escalating arms race of GAL.
I felt D2 was a casualty in this, as we scrambled to grab chances to go out and make sure we "got ours." It felt dirty to me. Of course, I don't want any of this. I do believe W needed a break from the way things were, and it would have been healthy for each of us to carve out some individual time while having plenty of together time, the 2 of us and the 3 of us as a family. It looks like that ship has sailed.
Eventually, to have some sort of balance I said W could have Mon-Wed-Fri and i would take Tue-Thurs-Sat. We could request to switch off if there is a good reason. Predictably, W asks regularly if I'm "doing anything" on my days and, if I don't have something specific planned, she wants to grab my days as well. Plus she's managed to be out every Sunday. Some family day of rest!
I didn't want to go back to square one, with her out and me home all the time. So I started making sure to find something to do on "my" days. Not out of spite, but because I really do need some space and to GAL. Putting some limits on her endless cake eating didn't hurt.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
My H just said that he wanted to talk to me. He said he wants to make the weekend of June x his vacation. I said okay what do you have planned? He said, " you know where I want to go." My heart dropped. He is going to meet her. I said why? But he kept insisting that he wants to meet her. I kept cool at first and then I told him to stop lying to me. That I know all about their so called friendship. I cussed at him. I asked if we were over. He stayed quiet and then said he would not go. I told.him he can make his own choices but I will not give my blessing. I told.him I have remained quiet for. Long to time but if he goes I will talk.
I'm shaking right now. Crying. Even though I closed our door the kids know something is up and DD #2 asked what's wrong. I told her not to worry. DD#1 has been texting me and comforting me.
Focus on yourself. Go do something for yourself and take D with you.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
"When you text OW while you are married to me, I feel completely disrespected. If you continue to bla bla bla in my presence, I will confront you and share my feelings with you. If your behavior doesn't change, I will have some tough decisions to make.":
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"When you text OW while you are married to me, I feel completely disrespected. If you continue to bla bla bla in my presence, I will confront you and share my feelings with you. If your behavior doesn't change, I will have some tough decisions to make.":
Perfect. Thank you. I'm reading a through the links you shared. One is Allen's regarding exposure. I believe this affair needs to be suffocated. Should I expose or is it too late? Can that be part of the "decision I will have to make?"
"He said, " you know where I want to go." My heart dropped. He is going to meet her. I said why? But he kept insisting that he wants to meet her. I kept cool at first and then I told him to stop lying to me. That I know all about their so called friendship."
If you mean to others, then no, he'll just see it as you trying to throw him under the bus. They'll eventually find out anyway.
