Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[sandi2]

I hope with books, like the LL will start breaking tearing some walls down. I used every thing I knew how to explain to my H what I needed from him. He wouldn't say anything until I finished, and his answer was to have more sex and everything would be fine. He just didn't get it.

Wow, I would think most men couldn’t get enough of a W that wants physical affection and touch without having to ask for it all the time.

If all women's LL was PT.......nobody would ever get anything done.

You can identify with that need for PT. Your W's number one LL or emotional need is just as valuable to her, and need-worthy as your PT. Some may argue and say sex or PT is more important, but not if it's not her LL. The way you feel loved is through PT. The way she feels loved is through another avenue. PT is a demonstration of how you feel loved. If you want to demonstrate how much she is loved, then speak in the language she recognizes.

Reflecting back on our MR in recent years, I suspect my W felt that my Acts of Service were not given freely and that I expected something in return.

I think most women can tell when her H is buttering her up for sex. Even if you are speaking her LL, you've got to keep a loving attitude.....or she'll see it as manipulative, and it is if you're just trying to get something in return. Whatever language, love should be demonstrated, and should come from the heart.

Quality Time was lacking as the kids have been the priority and the R was routine especially since D4 was born.

How do you picture quality time with your W?

Words of Affirmation also was not one of my strong suits, but I’ve done a 180 in this area post-BD.

Good for you! We all have to learn in the areas that are not our strong suits.

She did become vulnerable to OM, but I don’t see how they can speak her LL of A of S. The two OM are 25 year olds (she’s 38), sure they may have met her needs for QT, W of A, and PT, but it seems she is more enamored with the attention and feeling younger being wanted by these boys.

I When she has gone without emotional needs being met by her husband, and the resentment and disrespect builds until she no longer feels those "in-love" emotions, then she's not going to feel very good about herself. She probably feels depressed and thinks she's getting older, less attractive, etc. She craves for those needs to be met, just like you crave sex! So, it's like when a man goes forever in a SSM, and he starts getting attention from a hottie co-worker. He may not have sex with the hottie right off the bat.......but if she keeps pursuing, and he's not getting it at home......or feels ignored at home........it may require a lot of strength for him to turn the hottie away. Yes, morals should come into play, but that's just not always the case when a human being goes for a long time with emotional needs ignored. I'm not making excuses for your W or anyone who steps outside the MR to get emotional needs met by another person. I'm just trying to explain that these guys are not her husband. They are substitutes who are playing on her EN. Pick up artists aren't looking for a stable relationship with a woman who is 38 and already has kids...... they are looking for a woman who will have sex with them.