You are completely right that I am doing the 180s wrong. I am doing everything that I think my wife will like. I am buying here massages, flowers, doing the dishes, etc. I am in the denial stage and still think that I can win back her love like I was dating her again. I also don't feel I am in the right frame of mind to let her go. I know I need to, but boy that is hard. I won her love doing certain things, and it is so counterintuitive to think that I shouldn't keep doing those things. It is also confusing because they say what you didn't do in you marriage that got you to this point, so you want to correct those complaints.
Steve, how were you able to focus on working? I am having such a hard time focusing. I am just so sad.
You are completely right that I am doing the 180s wrong. I am doing everything that I think my wife will like. I am buying here massages, flowers, doing the dishes, etc. I am in the denial stage and still think that I can win back her love like I was dating her again. I also don't feel I am in the right frame of mind to let her go. I know I need to, but boy that is hard. I won her love doing certain things, and it is so counterintuitive to think that I shouldn't keep doing those things. It is also confusing because they say what you didn't do in you marriage that got you to this point, so you want to correct those complaints.
Steve, how were you able to focus on working? I am having such a hard time focusing. I am just so sad.
I didn't. My work suffered bad for weeks. It was hard because I had just come off a stellar year where I was a top performer performer and rewarded handsomely for it.
If you have a good relationship with your boss I would tell them you're going through some things personally and will do your best to but let it affect your work. But that you may need some flexibility.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Mine suffered for months. I just wanted to stare at a wall. I lead 450 people and I just wanted to sit in a corner most days. I had to tell the boss because they needed to know. I told a few select folks at work I could trust that I needed time and space and some help covering my load. Everyone stepped up to the plate to help, especially those that had been through a divorce before.
I'd encourage you to at least inform someone in your supervisory structure what is going on. You don't have to give them all the gory details, but it may help get some space, some grace for you from them, and you may find that people come out of the woodwork to empathize when you are ready.
Sorry that you are here, this is just the worst. We are here for each other, im glad you are posting here, it has helped me tremendously just to vent and learn where I need to improve.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Unfortunately, my company has just been bought out. As I go through this, I am scared of getting laid off. My boss has been let go, and I don't have anyone to go to. The timing couldn't be worse. I feel like I have been barely performing since January.
I feel that it would really be a step backwards for me to stop MC. It seems really important to my wife, even though I don't think that it is really helping anything. In her mind, it is a safe space to talk. She is afraid of conflict, so she likes have the mediator in the room.
I feel that it would really be a step backwards for me to stop MC. It seems really important to my wife, even though I don't think that it is really helping anything. In her mind, it is a safe space to talk. She is afraid of conflict, so she likes have the mediator in the room.
You know why it's important to her? So that she can tell her kids later "we tried everything, even MC". I think deep down you know this is true. This is the only reason a woman that is "done" attends MC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Destroyed, you know what worked in my sitch? Doing the opposite of what my W expected. The day I told her I had spoken to a lawyer she looked like she had seen a ghost. She never expected me to do something that seemingly moved towards divorce, not away from it. When I was behaving the way she expected she ran headlong towards leaving me and getting a D. When I started DBing, as counter intuitive as it was, was when I'd see her start back tracking on her resolve to leave.
Destroyd, many have tried to do what is intuitive, but hey few find success that way.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
