Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

Hey all! Apologies in advance it's a long one.

I am new to posting but have been reading, lurking, and learning here for months. I have read both DB and DR. I have also read heartsblessing site backwards and forwards many times along with Cadets welcome message post. I have been working on myself since the very begining. At first it was like we all seem to do and was a mad dash to fix all our "issues" according to our spouse. But then i started to really look inward. Boy she was a mess I was depressed, feeling neglected, resentful and unappreciated. I had no self esteem and legitimately did not see myself as attractive. (Theres a childhood issue right there lol) Right after bomb drop I lost 30 lbs. That put me back down into teenage pre kid weight. Luckily I got my stuff together and stopped loosing and regained my appetite. Started eating better and working out. I have maintained my 180's in most places. Backslid a tiny bit into emotional shopping territory but knowing its an issue so it makes it easier to pull myself up short. Which is good considering one of his BD complaints is only being with him for the money... Which is total BS. I have been a SAHM almost our entire marriage. I don't regret it for a minute but guess who does.

As far as our MR went it had its issues clearly but for the past decade things were good. We never fought ( red flag i know) always loving and affectionate. Fantastic sex life. Partners and a team in every sense. I was always the main parent but he backed me up fluidly. Kids love and respect him. I think the only reason this isnt harder on them is they are used to him being gone for training and deployments. So H moving out in Jan hasnt been a bigger deal to them. At this point they do not know about OW and I hope they never do.

So on to the confusing part. He told me about the OW(and recent physical nature) in Nov. I had suspected due to his phone behavior but didnt know for sure. Prior to that I had gotten all the classic MLC drivel. From "I can't do this anymore" to a very brief and taken back ILYBNILWY. Made vague references to separation but never straight out asked for divorced. Very tighted lipped on anything. Still has only mentioned divorce one other time in Dec around the time OW went out of country. Oh they know each other from work. Well she was physically out of the picture for about 5 months. This seemed to take tremendous pressure off H. He was nicer to me again. Having normal conversations and no longer looking at me like the enemy. We sold the house (something we'd been talking about prior to BD) and bought a new one in the area we'd been wanting to move. He helped move. Began coming around and hanging out at the house. Which seemed to make him anxious with how much he liked it and felt comfortable. He has been much more involved and helpful with the kids and their activities whereas before that always fell on me. I feel without pursuit and pressure from me and implementing my 180's and GALwK we were able to rebuild a little. Then May arrives and along comes OW again. Whelp I got set aside so fast my head spun. Our conversation dwindled during the days leading up to her arrival(Ive been No initiating contact since the begining of his runaway replay behaviour in Sept) then I didnt hear boo feom him for 5 days. Then my first official temp check asking how my exam went. WOW! Then another 5 days after the weekend kid visit dropoff. I completely ignored the next two temp checks. One was midnight this past friday Asking why I was ignoring him lol. Clearly NC from me makes him anxious. So my question is am I handling this whole thing right? I know MLC is on their timeline and I do truly hope he finds peace in himself. I am willing to give him time and space. I know i have no control over anything but myself. I also know that i can't do anything about the affair. I just dont want to make things worse.

If you've read this far thank you. Any and all questions, comments and 2x4's welcome and appreciated.