If you can't beat em, cheat em (thread 2)

[joejoe1]

Oops,

I know the feeling. I bought in on the fantasy of what I thought M and love was. But my fantasy and what's being sold by Disney, wasn't true and never have been. Love is rough, tough and full of pain and great times. We are sold this narrative by entertainment and Disney, but the reality is love is being vulnerable and taking risk. When we are vulnerable and we take risk in being committed to another person, we open ourselves up to disappointment and pain. There's pain on both sides of a relationship. (I was holding my wife to be a perfect human being, I was holding her to never fail or make a mistake and every time she did, I would show my disappointment. She hated being treated that way. I thought I found the perfect W. She was always the person that people would say she was so perfect. She hated being told that she was perfect. She wanted to be able to fail around me and I understand she wasn't perfect, not only did she want me to understand, she wanted me to accept she wasn't perfect, the one person she wanted to truly be herself around was me, but I would hold her up on this pedal-stool.) Now I just love her for her and not for the person I want her to be.

But once we accept the true reality of what love is, we can grow and work on future healthy relationships.

Now on to a healthy relationship. You and your W can't begin the healing process or begin to grow until you and her have a conversation about her infidelity. You holding on to that information does nothing but keep the pain closed off.

You are lying to your WW right now. You are being deceitful. I know you might not see it that way, but you are hiding the fact that you know what she has done wrong and your are pretending that everything is ok. It's hard for me to say this, but that's not fair to your WW.

You are not living in your reality. Marriages are hard, relationships are hard. But when we take the right approaches, we can have fulfilling, loving relationship. When we accept the reality of our situations we can grow. Let go of the fantasies and begin the healing process and grow.