Midlife wife crisis6

[Wolfman]

Thanks for being here, Sandi, SoTorn, R2C, IH, LH, and everyone else. Sorry if I missed anyone. I am just taking it one day at a time. Being in this situation has made my depression worse. I try to find little positive things to keep me going. The feeling of another loss, my dad just taking off and leaving my handicap mover to take care of is so difficult. My IC told me this is probably the most difficult part of your life. But she reminds me this is not permanent. That I will find my own place eventually (waiting for w to buy me out). I will find love again. My d eventually will come around. I told my IC I get that, but I’m living this hell now. I read a quote the other day that fits how I feel, it goes like this:
When people have nightmares they wake up to get away from it then feel relief. I go to sleep and try to stay asleep to get away from my nightmare. I am trying to GAL, but it’s hard. Trying to be the best dad with my kids. I took them to the air show at the beach this weekend, took them to an aquarium, went to a friends house. Took them to a amusement park. I don’t want them to see how depressed I am and that I feel like I am dying on the inside. This forum helps me a lot, a safe space to talk and know I am not the only one going through d hell.
I know we are not suppose to live in the past but it’s hard. A year ago I was turning 40 and my w had all these nice things planned for me. She surprised me with a weekend away for the 2 of us with this crazy couples massage. A romantic getaway. Then she surprised me with a 40th surprise birthday party at the vineyards with all our friends. And now to be here just blows me away. I know I have to let go of those memories it’s just hard. Thanks for listening.