We're tough on you because we a trying to help and because we have seen so many situations (hundreds, Sandi probably thousands) we have the guidelines to best navigate these situations.
Sometimes I'm concerned about your mental state that's why I think you should be in IC.
If you don't want to do the tough love approach then do the get your own life approach. When she is over you and the kids are out the door. The only contact you have is about the kids. It will help you detach.
You're going to need to detach but I think this is going to drag on for a really long time.
