W got angry about my distance a week ago so I’ve dialed back the aloofness. It’s an experiment in progress.
Yesterday I turned up the PMA a little bit. Told a few more jokes and tried to lighten the mood. Kept it going today. Came home from work and we all had an amazing time at dinner. Lots of laughter and the mood seemed lighter. I felt relaxed for awhile, like I was not in the fishbowl. Not back to normal but just lighter. W rubbed my arm as I passed by her which is a complete rarity. I had done that a couple times the past two days (very unsure of myself as W responds so neutrally you would think she didn’t notice). The reciprocation was a curious moment... what is she telling me?
I also sent her a text last night that I could tell the kids had a great trip with her, and she was a great mom. No response. This morning she sent me a text that she appreciated some housework I did, something extra I normally don’t do, something almost unnoticeable. But she noticed. Exchanging some gratitude doesn’t mean much but still.. another rarity from her.
These are ripples in a giant lake. Maybe I caught her on a good couple days. But my wife has complained about my distance and aloofness once, last week. Just because she has been ultra distant and aloof herself does not mean I need to mirror her. It would be dense of me to ignore this feedback. It could be the angry ravings of a resentful MLC/WAS. Or it could be her communicating something.
So I’m going to keep trying this little 180 for now. Stay close, be warm, expect nothing. Do nothing over the top. Not going to initiate affection or drop a bunch of ILYs. See if things consistently improve a little bit. If not, scale it back. Most importantly, make sure to keep my emotions in check. This all most likely means nothing. Stay true to the DB path. Do NOT hand over control of my emotions. Be Clint Eastwood inside. Tune in to what is going on, but don’t react. AVOID DESPERATION.
I post a lot of needy desperate ramblings here. I ruminate and obsess. I know I come across as someone likely to do something incredibly dumb like write another apology letter right now. I’ve done a decent job with DB the past month. Especially in how much better I feel. Still holding that rope I admit.
If distance is an issue in my MR, I think it’s worth trying to address it with some 180s. A newbie like me is in danger of overreacting emotionally. A lot is at stake. But I’m willing to experiment a little bit. If the sitch turns I can pull back. This seems consistent with MWD’s teachings.
