AS nailed it. LB you seem to be hanging on everything she is saying and doing. Try to avoid that Detachment is not giving a crap.
I agree Steve, I am still working on the full detachment. I disagree that I hang on every word, but I do pay attention to what she is saying. I am working on active listening and being non-defensive in my listening, and that has to happen with her and others. It is a skill that i am improving to better myself, not to win her back. I can't actively listen if I don't give a crap about what she says. Others that do not necessarily know the details have noted that my communication skills are rapidly improving. I am engaging people in conversation and they are telling me their issues and I am listening, empathizing, and validating their feelings without injecting my opinions or solutions to their problems. I am happy with that progress.
I do need to stop trying to analyze how what she says affects me and our sitch; just being in her presence still affects me. If I am close enough to smell her scent my mind jumps back to the good days. It's almost like PTSD. One familiar thing takes you back to square one. Its a tough task and a tough road ahead. A few months ago she told me when little league practice was and kind of gave me a funny look. I didn't go because I was scared she was going to have a friend repo my truck. Irrational but very real at the time. I was so scared. She had taken away everything in one fell swoop. My whole life was blown up in an instant. I can't be around her for very long because of this.
I'm talking with my pastor later this week about forgiveness. I need to do that for me. I haven't yet but it needs to happen.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.