After reading through all the responses my will to stand has been weakened. Stability of family for the kids and getting more time with them is a big reason for standing. Otherwise the more I disengage the better I feel and I am starting to question why I am really standing. W has been communicating more from her side and coming with kids and me when we do things like dinner at restaurants but the posts here show made me realize this is not really anywhere close to acceptance and is only because the pressure is off. The number of success stories of reconciliation is also low and I am not sure if it worth wasting more years of my life for someone who does not value me.
Good is the disengaging is helping Bad is I am losing motivation for reconciliation Ugly is kids will suffer
Sorry for the rant
This is pretty typical. The better you get at acceptance, the more you realize that you will be okay post-D. Lots of people stay together for the kid's sake, but that only will take you so far. Plus kids would rather be from a broken home than in one. So if you are not staying for the right reasons and/or either is she, it could be worse for them in the long run.
MLCxH, these feeling will come and go. I know for the first part of my sitch I would swing between wanting to boot her out on her butt, to wanting nothing more than to reconcile. And it could change in an instant.
The healthiest place to get to is an "either or state". "I will be fine if she stays...I will be fine if she goes!" That is what DBing is for.
I'd also point out that R rates tend to be low because people tend to DB very poorly.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
