Lots of advice here about my desperation and neediness.
Outwardly I am not acting particularly needy to W. Mostly giving her space, validating, and when we do talk (about the kids or logistics for the week) staying positive and mostly listening. I do think a lot about doing things which would be anti-DB though, and I journal them here a lot.
Inwardly yes I am struggling. Improving, but struggling.
I try to stay super positive and act happy. It is hard when you are emotionally cut off, feeling used, feeling unsupported, unwanted. But I'm trying my best. I'm sure at times she can see through it.
The attractiveness question is hard. We used to go on dates, we watched movies together, we snuggled, we laughed, we shared feelings with each other. I showed her that I cared about her feelings, but most importantly, she shared openly. I was not an alpha male, and she isn't attracted to that. I was there for her, and she was there for me. Now we have 3 kids and a history of hurt. I'm in good physical shape. I don't think becoming attractive is the fix.
It still seems counter-intuitive to see a problem in a M and deliberately let it go. Rather than try to fix it.
