Yes, today in fact. I don't think I will be ready for piecing, or another R with someone else at some point in the (distant) future, unless I work through this. It does feel like a kind of grief. I know that H is aware of it and feels very burdened by my sadness at him not being what I want him to be - and I get that. The job for me is to process that, and decide if he, as he is, is someone who I want. Today I would say no, without any problems at all. But he is showing willingness to change and see some small changes. I am not in piecing and I am not ready for that - even if it were on offer - but as time goes on I am seeing how unbelievably difficult the task will be. Much more difficult than walking away. It is making me reflect seriously on whether it is worth my while. Whether it would improve my life as it stands today. I won't make a decision today. I will wait until the end of June for us to get into MC and give that a fair chance, and it feels good to me that if MC isn't set up or doesn't work, divorce is a healthy step and an option I can handle.
